Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart
and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
Aside from the glaring mental illnesses (yeah, let’s you and I get comfortable and just put that out there), I don’t know why I’ve never really accepted love well. I generally don’t do well with emotions and feelings – either reacting too poorly or too strongly – and love is an emotion I try to stay the furthest from.
With the month of Love coming soon to an end – why not delve a little further into this conundrum of mine?
Perhaps a soul or two out there might feel the same way – the churn in my gut when I think about loss that comes with love, the lunch in my throat when I think about the end, the grip around my lungs when I think about the ones I’ve already lost.
Delving deeper, there are many theories of love and its varying facets. To understand the love ancient Greeks have identified seven different concepts of love:
When it comes to love, our first thought would most often be: Romantic Love. That, however, isn't the case when I'm referring to love here. Love comes in all ways and forms, be it the love from a friend or one from a parent.
Regardless of the types of love out there, it turns out that there are a couple of reasons why people (like me) are afraid of such a strong emotion:
Love reminds us of hurtful pasts
And sometimes, it feels like we can never escape from our past. Acceptance and forgiveness are all steps we should take, but forgetting is another lesson on its own. It’s always harder than it seems to trust again, much less love.
The idea of placing myself in a position just to be hurt again is something that doesn’t sound at all enticing.
Love brings joy, then comes pain
Understandably, of course. To not know pain is to not know joy either. There is no one without the other, pain and joy come often tangled together. My thought is: is the joy of love worth the pain losing it?
Have you ever lost something so dear to you that you'd wished you never knew of it in the first place? Or are the memories worth the eventual pain?
Love reminds us of the inevitable end
As is the end of time, nothing lasts forever – much less our human selves. Until the further research can be done on immortality, which is another branch of existential woes I won't delve into.
By death or by some other menial, less permanent chance, the end will still come by. The more you have with you now (love, affection, trust, hope), the more you'll have to lose – and that in itself is terrifying to me. Because of these existential fears, the subconscious desire to stray from love is – I would say – stronger.
This goes out to everyone struggling to accept love and anyone struggling to have their loved ones feel loved.
Let me know in the comments.
Then go tell someone you love them.
Til' we meet again.
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